When I Woke

It was the slow creak of a bent timber breaking under its own weight that first caught Chuck’s attention. He knew the accident had happened even before he opened his eyes; splintered wood and bits of broken glass pressed against his skin. Bright light passed irregularly through his eyelids and when he opened them to look at the damage he saw the ornament of a Mercedes-Benz glinting in the winter’s afternoon sun. It sat upside down and chipped in places. The car it had come from was sticking halfway out of what had been his house.

Two people, Chuck thought as he spread his hands cautiously across the debris in an attempt to clear a space big enough for his palm without cutting himself. Eventually, his left hand found the smooth flesh of one of the victims and his right found the cold plastic of a tape recorder. After ensuring nothing would move unexpectedly he pushed himself back onto his feet. Please, let it only have been two people.

It was clear the house would be condemned, Chuck was already standing on half the building and the other half seemed only to stay up through sheer force of will. Cracks had formed in most of the walls from the impact and trash from what remained of his kitchen was being blown through the open and broken back door by the chill January air. Piles were already collecting in the corners of his back fence.

It had all happened too quickly. He’d been thinking about his niece and hadn’t noticed the car until it was too late. If I hadn’t stopped paying attention maybe I would have noticed soon enough. Chuck closed his eyes and tried to think of what he could have done differently and how he could have saved Dr. Worth. The Mercedes-Benz had crashed through the limbs of the Weeping Willow trees that barred the street from house and collided with the front window before Chuck knew what was happening. It was only when the glass of the wall length window began to shatter that Chuck knew what was coming, by then there was nothing he could do but wait and accept what was going to happen. If I had only known what to expect.

The hand Chuck had used for support was already loosing its color. “It was nice to have met you Doctor Justin Worth,” Chuck muttered under his breath. Without thinking he wiped away the feeling of dead skin from his hand. In the end it made his hand dirtier, but made him feel cleaner.

The law required he stay at the scene of one of his accidents to give his report and help identify anyone involved. Chuck stepped inside the remains of his house to find the phone wrapped around the car’s steering wheel. A few muttered words and a sighed passed through his lips before he stepped back out of his house and out the front door. One of his neighbors would see the house eventually and call it in themselves. At least they’re used to this kind of thing by now. They know to call when they see it.

Debris from the crash was strewn almost into the street; the sidewalk was littered with pieces of sharp-looking metal. Ripped branches from the two weeping willow trees covered so much of the winter snow that it was hard to distinguish where the house’s rubble stopped and the tree branches began. The willow trees themselves were nothing more than bent logs poorly shoved into dirt. A natural barrier they called it, Chuck thought, something to keep me in and the rest of the world out. Funny how two tons of car can prove them wrong. Chuck spotted a clear patch of snow at the foot of one of the splintered trees and walked towards it, picking up the recorder on the way.

As he sat on the soft snow Chuck turned the recorder over and examined it. It had been beaten up a bit in the crash, a corner was missing and the tape itself was visible. He pressed rewind just to see if it would work. Worst case scenario, if the recorder was busted enough, the tape would simply break. The spools began to spin slowly, struggling to safely wind the tape back to its beginning. Chuck waited quietly and listened to the low hum recorder. I shouldn’t be doing this, he thought and pressed the stop button. I shouldn’t even have picked it up in the first place. It’s not like I want to hear what the tape has on it anyway. Even as he thought up the excuses he knew there they were empty and meaningless. If anything the conversation that was magnetically coded on the black strips of plastic was the most important thing amongst the rubble. Even if Chuck didn’t think it was important Dr. Worth had died for it.

Chuck hesitated slightly before pressing play and placing the speaker next to his ear. The first few words were slow and unintelligible as the recorder started up. “…must be strange never to have died. I’ve done it so many times now I can’t remember what it feels like anymore.” Chuck pressed stop. His entire body began shaking as soon as he’d heard his voice on the tape telling Dr. Worth about his life. He almost didn’t want to continue. He knew that a recount of his mother’s death was next. Though it wasn’t the first time he’d ever died it was the one first one he remembered.

He let the machine fast forward some before pressing play again. He rested his arms on his knees and let his hands hang loose between his legs in order to keep the recorder out of sight, as if to forget that he was simply listening to the past. “I was on my way to a play date or something. Dad claimed that was what it was. I had only died twice already so I was still considered the ‘lucky’ child; I think that means I was three at the time. Though of course I don’t remember and it’s not the sort of thing we talked about a lot. I was staring out the window of the car simply watching the clouds go by. The next thing I remember was the glass begin to spider web as it impacted with the other car. Everything happened in such slow motion that I could see where the cracks were splitting as they went.

“Shortly after the cracks reached the far end of the window I began to realize that I was going forward. The belt to the car seat I was in pressed against my chest so hard that it began to rip and tear and eventually it gave way. I went flying into the front cushions, breaking my neck. I died instantly.

“When I woke…” Chuck clicked stop, there was no reason to keep going. He knew how it ended, how it always ended. When he woke he was alive and others were dead. He didn’t need to hear it, especially from himself

So he sat, not letting go of the recorder but not really wanting to hang onto it either. The cold January air began to seep in and he noticed the thin clouds his breath made every time he exhaled. “It’s always a hassle,” he sighed to himself as he sat back to lean on the remains of the shattered tree. “They want me to report when I die as soon as I can, but invariably the phone is broken or I’m under something heavy.” He pressed rewind another time and let the tape return to its beginning. “I’m in trouble if I don’t call, but I’m in trouble if I do.” A woman glanced outside her front window with a phone to her ear. Good, at least I know they’re on their way now. By the time the squad cars pulled up with their lights flashing the tape was fully rewound and sitting comfortably in his pocket and the recorder lay somewhere in the rubble.

The sirens were already quiet; it wasn’t a life or death situation anymore. They simply needed to get to the scene before Chuck left. The chief of police himself appeared from one of the cars and slowly walked towards the wreckage. Though he knew what to expect, and tired to pretended there was nothing specifically wrong with the situation, Chuck wasn’t about to believe his. “You know you’re not fooling anyone,” Chuck said without getting up. The chief closed his eyes at Chuck’s voice and breathed in deeply.

Officer Marley was fat. Just fat. There was no getting around it, his neck jiggled when he looked around and his tan uniform stretched against his overly large gut. Instead of a belt he wore suspenders to keep his pants up, his gun; handcuffs and walkie-talkie were all Velcroed up his chest where he could reach them instead of at his waist line. “I see you’ve got an early year this year.” He didn’t look at Chuck but placed his thumbs behind his suspenders and whistled as though he was surprised by the amount of destruction that lay before him and under his feet.

They pretended to be friends, but it was too much for the small fat man. It was, after all, his job to keep this sort of stuff from happening and it wasn’t like Chuck was maliciously causing problems. All the police could do was cross their fingers and hope for the best and, when the time came, mop up whatever mess Chuck caused. The waiting game took its toll on everyone, three chiefs of police had already entered early retirement and, judging by the dark crescents under Marley’s eyes, a fifth would be named soon. “How many this time?” the chief eventually asked quietly.

Chuck walked over to Dr. Worth’s hand. “This was Dr. Justin Worth. I believe you’ll have some sort of paper or form or something about a talk he and I were gonna have today.” Marley nodded and directed the firemen to start clearing the rubble around the corpse. “There was at least one more, the driver of the car. Other than those two I don’t know of anybody else, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t more.” Chuck stepped past Marley on his way into the broken building. “I don’t know when it happened.”

As the firemen started cleaning up the accident police tape was wrapped around the crash sight and neighbors were beginning to gather around hoping to see something. Marley ignored the murmuring crowed and followed Chuck. “I’m sure there’s something you could tell us. It will help with the investigation.” While Marley did his best to do his job and keep everything flowing smoothly, it was always mixed with a fake concern that made Chuck feel like he should be sucking his thumb.

“You mean cover up?” He stepped over open bags of food and dirty laundry on his way to his bedroom. All of it was mingled with pieces of plastic and red metal as well as the occasional pink fluff of insulation or pieces of wallpaper and carpet. “Every year this happens and the city tries to keep the news of it out of the public’s ears as best they can. Care to bet on how many news channels cover this accident?”

“You know I don’t bet.”

“You know I’d win.” Chuck briefly watched the other man shift uncomfortably before opening his closet and pulling out a coat. “I’ll be at my sister’s. You’ll find the clothes I’m in now as well as this coat there. If she kicks me out she’ll let you know where I’m headed.” As he stepped back outside the chief stopped him with a firm grip on his shoulder. “Come on! I told you everything I know. I was in the front room when it happened, I don’t keep a clock in there.” Marley didn’t budge. “Fine. I guess, I don’t know, the school bus had already passed by to pick up the kids for their first day back to school after winter break. That good enough for you?” Marley let go and Chuck pushed open the back door and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

“Did you touch anything?” Marley yelled through the closing door.

The first drag was already tickling the back of Chuck’s throat by the time he turned around to see Marley standing in the door waiting for an answer. “I’ve touched everything,” he said blowing out a stream of smoke. “I live there.” He instinctively pressed a finger against the tape resting in his pants pocket. “It’s the house you built to protect everyone around me after all.” He smirked to himself as he turned around and leaped over his own back fence and cut through his neighbor’s yard. They wouldn’t mind, even if they did they’d be too scared to confront him about trespassing.